SELINA TUSITALA MARSH

Resurrection

for CSG

Running along the banks
of the eeling river
glistening under
Moreton Bay figs laden
with flying foxes
black with orange collars
hanging like fat furry mangoes,
where flocks of cockatoo
nest, squawking ivory eggs
high in the branches
of gum trees shedding leaves
and bark like curling skin.
Under the veil of soft morning
light in Parramatta park
I saw a crumpled pizza box
lying in the dewy grass.

The ripped cardboard box
spoiled the perfect view
and I tut tut tutted running past:
thoughtless picnickers
where were the cleaners?
It's been three days already
I'd pick it up myself
but I'm running for time
training on my off day
and there were no bins in sight
how long would I have to carry
someone else's blight
in an otherwise
serene landscape?

2Ks later I run past bins
surely no one would've expected me
to have carried someone else's rubbish
that far?

Meantime
my beloved friend's body
has been found
hammered, cut, and crumpled
in a locked bathroom
in Samoa
in the home of our mutual friend
whose unmedicated
Bipolarism must have pulled her
into its pit
and she couldn't,
or wouldn't,
get out of it
instead
she pulled those around her down
into hell

No one can believe
the Police report
a hammer and small knife
used to end the life
of my beautiful friend
who in Edinburgh
just months before
gave me the Buddha beads
from her wrist
to ease my troubles
she helped me think through
a friendship that had for too long been heavy
she did an I-ching reading
'Sister, cut her free.'

When we spoke of our mutual friend
likewise she said
'I’ll keep her at arm's length to save my strength'
yet
months later I saw
she was helping run
creative writing workshops in Samoa
I wrote her "Be careful"
Meaning be careful with your energy, time and money
I never foresaw danger to her body

Headlines blast:
'Playwright charged for gruesome murder'
our mutual friend's photo
frontpage, centre
And we are filled with blue grief
And we are filled with black rage.
Insane fucking bitch. Crazy evil witch.

And yet

I ran by a crumpled pizza box
this morning
for the third day
in a row
waiting for resurrection.

Dr. Selina Tusitala Marsh is of Samoan, Tuvaluan, English and French descent. She was the first Pacific Islander to graduate with a PhD in English from the University of Auckland and is now a Professor of English specialising in Pasifika literature. She edited the 2015 edition of Ōrongohau | Best New Zealand Poems, and was New Zealand Poet Laureate from 2017-18. Dr. Marsh is the 2025 Katherine Mansfield Menton Fellow, and will work on a book that responds both creatively and critically to Pacific women poets.

Marsh comments: 'Caroline Sinavaiana-Gabbard was an acclaimed American Samoan scholar, poet, teacher and environmentalist who profoundly shaped Pacific literature. Born on Tutuila island and raised in the American South, she returned to Sāmoa at age 23 to teach high school after graduating from Sonoma State University. She later earned an MA in folklore from UC Berkeley and a PhD in American studies from the University of Hawai'i. Caroline became a professor of creative writing and Pacific literature at the University of Hawai'i at Mānoa, where she taught for 20 years before retiring to Samoa. Significantly, she was the first Samoan in the United States to achieve the highest academic rank of professor, and in 2020 was recognised as one of the influential women from U.S. territories on USA Today's 'Women of the Century' list. Her poetry collections, including Alchemies of Distance and Mohawk/Samoa: Transmigrations, were groundbreaking works that brought literary criticism and indigenous Samoan criticism into powerful intersection.

'My intention was never to stigmatise mental health conditions, although I understand how those lines might be read that way.  The poem was written in raw grief, processing the shocking violence of what happened through poetry. The reference to bipolar disorder was included because this explanation was being publicly circulated at the time, not to suggest that bipolar disorder itself leads to violence. Looking back, I would want to emphasise that mental health conditions are complex, and that most people living with bipolar disorder lead non-violent lives. The tragic circumstances of Caroline's death involved many factors beyond any single condition.'

​Poem source details >

 

Links

A suite of poems in tribute to Caroline Sinavaiana-Gabbard