sometimes / I read the magnet on the fridge / with the screaming door / skid over the emergency instructions / reaching for sugar / in sticky Perspex / sometimes see the worry clock - really a stethoscope? / it’s lunchtime / in the kitchen with the yellow bench / plates / were they patterned blue ? / of rosy baked beans / when my mother rises and staggers / calls my father’s name, twice / why do I remember twice? / sometimes it’s a day with a wide sky / rocks slipping underfoot / lurching beside the grey ocean calm / remembering my knee is driftwood / sometimes push up the hill with sides like a pudding bowl / swim in blue water under the high roof / steady dog head / I believe swimming counts more / in the dark room her head tosses / side to side / wonder why I went back to work / was someone kind? / sometimes stride to the furthest bus stop / swinging my arms / stuff my mouth with lettuce / copy quotes out of context / old ghosts come instead / there is less life to lead / sometimes I’m a stubborn beetle on a wall / always falling down / my mother pale in hospital / someone says she’s got a strong will / is she gripping a rope back to us? / or I read the world wrong / can’t speak / wonder if I’m living the life I want / lime tea steaming in white cup / far off hills regenerating bush / sky outlining lips / or I’m in a cupboard / face turned away / sometimes grinding up the big hill / breath in my lungs / look out on yet more hills / distant houses / sometimes/ tiny kitchens